By MIK Groninger

I’m sitting in the Palm Court on deck 11 of the Crystal Harmony, a large lounge that has a stunning view of the ocean, through 20-foot picture windows.  I’m struck by the beauty of the horizon where the sky meets the sea, it’s like I can see the curvature of the earth.  There is a floor to ceiling Christmas tree and a loan harp stands in front of it, lonely without the lovely harpist Kirsten. There are poinsettias on every table which lends a colorful and festive air.

I thought I would jot down a few thoughts before my Christmas day disappears like all the other days of my 5-month cruise odyssey.   Yesterday we made it to Rarotonga on schedule despite leaving Samoa an hour late.  Joe Waters the president of Crystal Cruises and his family join the ship in Samoa and their plane was a little late.  They had a helicopter to whisk them to the ship, but their luggage wouldn’t fit and had to be taken by ground transport.  So, the Captain prudently delayed sailing until the luggage came on board.

The ship maintained a cruising speed of 20 knots, 24mph, for the 950-mile journey and we arrived on schedule in Rarotonga, but sea conditions were too rough to use the tenders to go ashore so we circled the island all day.  A local dance troupe managed to come aboard and gave a great presentation of hula dancing.  The native girls looked great with lacquered coconuts cut in half and fitted over their breasts.  The Master of ceremonies was very pleased to have a view of his island that he had never seen before.  Neither he or any of his ancestors had ever been so high up on such a large ship.

The mountains of Rarotonga rose through the clouds and called out to me to penetrate them on my mountain bike. I wistfully contemplated their great beauty and suppressed the urge to jump overboard, swim ashore and live with the hula girls in a grass hut. Christmas eve I played 2 Christmas shows then went to the crew party and sang in the Christmas choir, then went to the crew bar to dance with all the other sea-bound souls trying to forget the specter of loneliness that looms over my soul. At 3 am I was in the cabin next to mine with a bunch of Filipinos eating chicken with my fingers Filipino style.

Today is a sea day. When I first joined the ship, the Captain said that people who worked on ships looked forward to sea days. Now I know he was right.  It is very exciting to wake up in a new port and I always get out there and do something cool, but it is nice not to have to deal with funny money and worry about getting back to the ship on time.  So, today I will practice gamba till noon when I have a 1-hour cocktail set to play, then go outside and workout, maybe read a book on the deck of the ship sitting in a deck chair glancing up over the pages to watch the wake of the ship mark our passage through the South Pacific.

In the evening I will play 2 production shows, this one is called Harmony of Nations and is basically 17 different countries with elaborate costumes and props. Then another crew party, this one in the 2100 Club, which is a clone of the Rainbow Room in NYC.  So, my Christmas in the South Seas looms ahead of me.  I hope I will be able to banish loneliness and create a positive day for myself.  Next stop, Tahiti!

Dec, 26th

Christmas Day on the ship was lonely. I did practice gamba all morning, but it was too windy on deck to hang out there. So, I was inside until dinner. There was a special crew dinner on deck 11 very lavish and 5-star stuff, just like the passengers get.  I had some California roll sushi and noodles and took my plate outside and ate by myself.  Sadness struck but it was somewhat assuaged but by the sight of the ships wake trailing into the distance, like my past life, and the thought of sailing into the future with my wife Nancy and my dog Arnold when I leave the ship of darkness on Feb 19th in San Juan.

After work there was a crew party on deck 6 aft, not in the 2100 Club but outside on the shuffleboard court. I almost didn’t go but felt it would be stupid to stay in my room and suffer. So, I walked down the long corridor on deck 4 that runs the length of the ship. There were 3 check points to clear before anyone was admitted to this party hosted by the Filipino deck crew. At the first check point, Filipino Santa stood amidst myriad palm fronds and the first right of passage was to chug a shot of Jägermeister, an herb liquor. At the next corner stood a gaggle of deckhands in sailor suits and the toll they collected was to give me a shot of tequila. I proceeded up the steep metal stairway covered in palm fronds and at the top I was greeted with many smiling Filipino faces and a shot of aquavit.  At last I was at party central and my attitude had been adjusted.  It was drizzling rain but the night was balmy and beautiful.

The expression we are all in the same boat, is a little description of the crew on any ship and it was a very cool vibe, everyone trying to capture the spirit of happiness while trapped on a tin can floating in the South Pacific..albeit a lushly appointed tin can indeed.

The food was an entire roast pig, a Filipino specialty, and noodles with shrimp and vegetables. Of course, the bar was open for anything you would care for, all paid for by the crew welfare fund. The Captain gave a moving speech touching on subjects that were just beneath the surface of everyone’s feelings, like family and loneliness and the sea. Everybody cheered, drank and started dancing to blasting disco.  There was serious booty shaking going on. Then the deckhands sang some carols and ended with everyone singling, MERRY CHRISTMAS, war is over, by John Lennon.  If music is an expression of the human spirit, then this was some of the best I have ever heard in my life.

People from 32 countries joined together by the premier poet of our generation, belting out his simple lyrics that reach across cultural boundaries to the inner heart of our collective consciousness “AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS, (war is over) AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE (if you want it) ANOTHER YEAR IS OVER (war is over) AND A NEW ONE JUST BEGUN (la la la la) AND SO HAPPY CHRISTMAS (war is over)  WE HOPE YOU HAVE FUN (if you want it) THE NEAR AND THE DEAR ONE (war is over) THE OLD AND THE YOUNG (la la la la).  A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR, LET’S HOPE THIS IS A GOOD ONE, WITHOUT ANY FEAR.  Everyone raised their arms and cheered and I felt a part of something pure and strong. I was touched by cosmic Christmas spirit in the South Pacific. The disco was pulsing and we were all dancing and drinking. A group of the most frenetic dancers moved out into the rain and looked wildly erotic undulating under the moon and stars with the undercurrent of 50,000 horsepower engines adding a terrific sub-sub-woofer bass to the whole vibe. 

I tore myself away at 1:30 to get up at 7:30 and escort a tour. We had anchored in Captain Cook Harbor in Mo’orea which is just a few clicks from the main island of Tahiti. We took a tender ashore and I escorted 3 land rovers with 19 people including Artie Johnson (very interesting) Remember Laugh-In?  It was a very cool tour up dirt roads to fantastic overlooks. It was drizzling and the roads were muddy, the lead jeep couldn’t make it up a steep hill and had to back down.  But, I had some brave souls in my land rover so we told our driver (an impossibly handsome Polynesian God) to go for it and we careened our way to the top. Breathe taking and awesome were the mystic peaks and we picked out different images for the rough shapes that loomed around us. Then we proceeded to the interior and approached a 200-meter waterfall cascading down the mountain.

We got the jeep pretty close and hiked in.  At the waterfall I stripped to my bikini and swam to the falls.  I stood under it and tried to wash away my sins. Then I followed the Polynesian God up the slippery rocks to a scary overlook raised my fist to the heavens and screamed the scream of loneliness, rage, frustration and joy of being alive.  I got back to the ship at 2 and decided to try and swim out to the reef.  I grabbed my snorkel gear and went back ashore, left my stuff with Paula who sold me some pareu (Tahitian clothing that you need to learn to tie to your body) and went into the water.  It was good diving right off shore, lots of coral and fish and I did my usual routine of diving 50 feet to the bottom and looking up at the coral formation until my lungs burned. Then I set out for the breakers, at least a kilometer out. Needless to say, I made it back in time to leave for the main island where I am now.

I have one more set to play until midnight, then I heard about a world-famous club called The Piano Bar, for something interesting to write about.